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 I’ve fallen victim to a secret visitor. Somewhat like Eddie Izzard’s hair thieves, they’ve come in the night and they’ve stolen something from me. They’ve taken my girl, and left me with a pre-tween – AAAARGH!
Help me! Please. I’ve got One Direction posters stuck up on the wall, love letters in her school bag and a variety of girlishly crap music being sung at top volume, morning, noon and night. She doesn’t wear pretty dresses any more – she wears a uniform of leggings and t-shirts. I thought we still had another couple of years at least before this all hit!
So how do you hold on to your child’s childhood, while all around them seems to be urging them to grow up before their time? Is it a fight we can win, or should we just succumb to the inevitable and wave hello to our mini-adults? I thought we were quite well insulated – I loathe and detest all those Hannah Montana – Wizards of Waverley Place Disney rubbish and very rarely allow them on the TV. I still buy her beautiful dresses. I still make her call me ’Mummy’ and am ample with my displays of affection. So where do you go? Is it just too late? Should I accept that the younger two girls are likely to hit pre-tween even younger?
It’s a good job she’s stunningly beautiful – I’ve a feeling the transition through pre-tween, tween and finally teen is going to be a rocky road!
So, it’s January 2nd now, so I’m avoiding the New Year’s Day promises of miraculous change – this is like making promises but they’re slightly less serious than those you make on the first!
First off, apologies to anyone who does check my blog occasionally to see whether I’m still alive. I am. Blogging is something though that the more you leave it, the harder it is to get back into, and I’ve been avoiding it through shame. Shamefaced, I’m sneaking back in and hope to resume normal service! I can tell you all about how hard the past couple of months have been – I’m still bereft over the chickens and twin that with the all too premature and unnecessarily idiotic death of my lovely Grandma and you’ll see that irrespective of anything else going on in my life, Winter 2011 has been dark. Lots of bright spots too, birth of a lovely new nephew and survival of a whole school term as A Teacher are definitely highlights – but there’s been this overriding sense of trying to get up the down escalator!
So, I’m going into 2012 with a new set of priorities. Of course, as always, I want to lose weight and get fit. But I’m working on a different strategy this time – energy breeds energy is my new slogan and that’s what I’m living by. So much more could be achieved in my life if energy was boundless – it’s not the constraints of time that cause me problems, it’s the constraints of being a lazy arse!
Diet is about fuel, healthy eating to keep my body going. Exercise is about getting out there and feeling fab! And squeezing in all that organisation – no problem, because energy is my new best friend!
I am woman, feed me lucozade and hear me roar… maybe… we’ll give it a go!
You may have seen my twitter or Facebook updates, but it’s been a bleak weekend here. My lovely chickens, my lovely, lovely chickens, were brutally murdered by a fox. One loss I could have borne, but to lose them all just seems so cruel and unnecessary - and downright stupid on the fox’s part too I think – he destroyed a whole supply of potential future food and just left their poor little bodies strewn around the place. I’m completely gutted and can’t stop thinking about how I’ve let them down – especially the littlies, who hadn’t even laid an egg yet. It’ll be a long time before I can look out in the garden without a tear in my eye.
RIP my chickidees – you were the best chickens a family could have!
Is not going as according to plan as I would have liked. Mainly because of an inability to follow my own advice. Yes, I’ve survived one week, but I’ll be honest, my sanity feels knife-edge, my brain is worn out and my temper is beyond frayed! And that wasn’t even a full week of actual school, it included two inset days. So where did it go wrong?
1. Failure to set time limits
First weekend of working and my time limits left by the front door. All work and no play made Freya a very mardy girl, which meant a very fractious weekend which definitely was not conducive to good working. If only I’d followed my own rules and made sure I had that time out to regroup and focus. Chances are I would have been a lot more productive and a lot more positive.
2. Failure to avoid procrastination
I have not been an effective worker this week – I’ve dawdled around the Internet, played a few games of solitaire and then, finally, done a bit of planning. Blame it on the above, lack of enjoyment time, but whatever the cause, the effect was that my planning dragged on rather than being short, sharp and useful.
3. Failure to devote sufficient time to the household
What a mess! All my good intentions went to waste and my house is a mess. What I have done however is signed up to the Holiday Planner so I can start getting my house in order for Christmas – yes, it’s the ‘C’ word but I won’t apologise as I LOVE Christmas and am already in a state of delirium. But anyway, in the run up it’s time to get down and dirty, but that means I need to devote some time to the house in my busy schedule – it’s not going to get done by itself.
4. Failure to keep my patience with the children
The girls will be the first to admit that this week has been hard. Finding our feet in a new regime was always going to be difficult and we haven’t been surprised. Even with Moo generously farmed out to my mother-in-law, it was still tough getting everyone ready. Both me and DH have been stressed and tense and it’s generally not been a happy place. That’s not what I’m going to work for. The idea is to make us all happier, not all more miserable!
5. Failure to look after myself.
In between working, planning and mothering, there’s not that many hours in the day. But a few simple things would make it much more likely that I’ll get through the term in one piece – plenty to drink, plenty of sleep, some fresh air and a little bit of me time. This week I’ve forgotten my breakfast, not taken any water with me, gone to bed late and given myself a headache by being inside too much.
So it’s time to start over and try everything again! I’ll keep going until I get it right – that’s the best thing about admitting mistakes, is being able to do it all again!
Including just how tiring teaching is! I’ve only done one day of actual teaching and I feel like death – I am so tired! My feet hurt, my legs, ache, my head hurts and what I really need to do is go to bed.
Sadly, what I’ll have to do is some more planning!
So forgive me the brevity of this post – lesson to myself here is to make sure I schedule my posts over the weekend so I can rest easy knowing that the blog is taken care of!
Freya
xx
So today is my first day as a Teacher. A proper one, not a pretend one. For the first time since before Nettie was born in October 2006, I’ll be working full-time. It’s a scary proposition. I’ve never been an amazingly good mum. I don’t take the kids lots of places (could never afford to), I don’t entertain them every second of the day (could never be bothered to) and I probably used the TV as a babysitter far too often. But I have loved being at home with them and count myself lucky that I’ve had the opportunity to do so.
Here’s what I’ll miss:
- Freedom to go on a magical mystery tour whenever we feel like it
- Shopping in the day time so you can go to town when it’s not busy
- The school run and being there 100% for my kids
- The school plays and sports days and things like that
- Having time to indulge my hobbies and mad ideas
- Cooking complicated three course meals
- Having plenty of time to read
But there are some benefits…
- Being able to afford to eat, go out, buy clothes, that sort of thing!
- Being out of the house every day so as not to be driven mad by the mess
- Doing a job I really enjoy, that I’ve wanted to do for a long time and that I’ve worked really, really hard to get
- Being able to go to the toilet without an audience
- Being able to talk to real, live adults
It’s going to be different for all of us. I’m worried, of course. But I hope it will work out. I’m lucky too – I know that if it doesn’t work out, it’s not the end of the world. There are other careers out there. Other jobs for me to try. But I’ll be sticking with this one for a while yet I hope!
 I don’t want anyone to get the idea that the past year doing my PGCE wasn’t work, because it most definitely was, but starting an actual teaching job is a whole different ball game for me. Last time I was a full-time working mother, Bee was 6 months old and I was blissfully unaware of just how good I had it with only one child. Two children, two dogs and six chickens later and I am well aware that there is lots on my plate and without careful planning I will be dropping all my balls, to mix a metaphor or two! If there’s one thing I’ve learned about being a teacher over the last year is that it takes up more time than any other job I’ve ever done and will take up every spare second you give it. So I decided that what I need is some guidelines. Any teacher worth their salt knows that the first few weeks are when you must establish order in your classroom and so I’m going to duplicate it with my home life and start as I mean to go on.
1. Set time limits
Time limits for everything. It’s so easy to let things run away with you and before you know it woompf, the evening/weekend/holiday has gone. Sit down to look for that one picture you need to complete your planning and if you’re not careful you’ve fallen into a big hole of planning. So I’m going to set strict time limits for my work – if it’s not done in that time then either it doesn’t get done, or I need to work out a way of working smarter to make sure it gets done.
When I’ve picked the girls up from my mum’s we will make dinner and prepare sandwiches for the day after. These two hours or so will be devoted to them and ensuring we have a family life. After tea we will all clean up. Homework will be done. Planning will be done. Then pyjamas and and story. And this is a promise – I will read my children a bedtime story every night. I will endeavour to get as much work done as possible on an evening, within the realms of going to bed at a decent time, so that Saturday is partially clear and Sunday is completely clear. Sunday is a sacrosanct family day.
2. Share responsibilities
As a working mother I think there’s this mindset. It goes like this. I am a mum. My ‘job’ is to stay at home and keep house and look after my children. By choosing to going out to work, I am letting my family down. Therefore I will compensate by doing everything. And I say to this, a big fat nonsense (well, actually it was another word starting with b but I thought I’d tame it down!) – I am not an island. We are a family and it’s everyone’s responsibility. I’m not this great mother person. I’m a much better being at work person. It’s not my sole job to do home things. It’s everyone’s. So I’m going to start delegating and we’ll all share responsibility for the quality of our family time. Bribery, promise of sexual favours (to DH, I hasten to add!), blackmail and a bit of old-fashioned yelling – whatever it takes so that we start pulling together and making everyone else’s life better.
3. Enjoy myself
There’s no doubt about it. Life is hard. Tough. Back-breaking. Soul-destroying. So I’m going to make sure I keep sight of the things that make me joyous. Singing in my choir. Blogging. Reading for pleasure. Cooking. These are the things I love to do and I know that the Freya who doesn’t do them is much the worse for it. So I’m going to make a promise to myself to keep doing them. I deserve a bit of fun.
4. Cut corners
I’m already a bit of an expert in cutting corners. I’m a fervent proponent of M&S’s Ultimate Non-Iron shirts for DH (note the ultimate bit, not the run of the mill ones, has to be ultimate to work!) and me and the iron are definitely not intimate buddies. I think a lot of managing things is working out where you can afford to cut corners and it not affect anything. With my cooking, I loathe and detest peeling potatoes – so spending more money to get ready prepared potatoes is actually worth its weight in potatoes for me. So embrace the curves – the guilt we feel at taking the short cut is always in our heads – we’re not the worse for it.
5. Look after myself
If I want to be the best I can be, then I have to look after myself, it’s as simple as that. Eating well, sleeping well, enjoying myself, resting, indulging, loving. No-one else can be responsible for me. I’m it. And so I need to invest in my greatest asset.
How do you make being a working mother work for you? Is it harder or easier than you thought it would be? Is there anything you’d do differently? What’s your top tip?
 Bear with me, might sound like complete madness, but there’s method to it. A recent playdate saw me sitting and watching Disney’s Enchanted. For those of you in the dark, a genuine cliched Disney princess falls to earth and has to adjust to life in the modern world. OK, Oscar winning television it may not be, but hey, inspiration strikes in different places! What occurred to me is that there are maybe some things we can use in our modern lives…
Believe in love
Honest to god, ever-lasting, heart-warming love. It’s corny, but it’s true. It can be hard these days to remember the love. Marriage is hard. Hard and bleak at times – usually at the times when the rest of your life is hard and bleak. So take the time to step back and remember the love – between you and a partner, you and your children, your friends, your family – cherish what you have! And most of all, tell them. Don’t rely on them knowing, be blatant and tell them!
See the best in people
In Giselle’s world (the princess!), no-one is evil, dark or menacing. To her, there’s good in everyone. Of course, she learns a lesson and sadly the people show their true colours – but maybe if everyone saw the good in people, there’d be more good to go around. This is an issue that causes arguments with me and DH, as he’s sadly of the opinion that there’s bad in most people while I prefer to take the counter argument! But give someone a break and see the positive in their actions rather than the negative. If nothing else, you can be infuriating to those people trying to get a rise out of your by being unfailingly nice!
Sing!
You know I love to sing. But whether you can sing it tune or not, it doesn’t matter. Nothing’s as feel good as belting out your favourite tunes at the top of your lungs. Uplifting or making you sob in your boots – the possibilities are endless. So take a deep breath and sing something fantastic today!
Say yes
In Giselle’s world there is no ‘No’ – she embraces new experiences, throws herself 100% into everything with passion and vim! OK, it can get a bit sickly if it goes on for too long, and knowing how to say no is as important as saying yes, but do a little experiment. Over the next week or month, try saying ‘Yes’ to one thing that you would have said no to previously. Seize the day!
What do you reckon? Could you embrace your inner princess for the day? You never know, it might just make the world a better place… or is that only in Disney?
Do de doo doo, do de doo doo doo
 Indeed. The end is nigh. Less than one week before school starts. The end of an era. The start of something new and exciting we hope. But it’s scary. Very scary.
The high point
My girls have driven me completely and utterly insane these holidays. Their behaviour has been bordering on the Mummy-walks-away-and-leaves-everyone-behind kind of thing. I know it’s the summer holidays and they’re long and the kids are bored but seriously?! How does being annoying 24/7, ignoring instructions and generally being eurgh make it any better? Like I’m having a good time? So yay to school starting – I’ll be rid of them once more!
Going down
Nettie starts school this time. Not quite sure how that happened. Perhaps what’s even more scary about Nettie starting school is that it means next year, Moo starts. In the blink of an eye I’ve gone from having three babies to having three (incredibly annoying) school age children! Time… it’s a scary thing.
They’re all very ready for it though – Nettie’s going to do great at school, if she can detach herself from the adults long enough to make friends with children her own age! And Moo’s off to nursery and can’t wait. So that’s good.
Rock bottom
Of course, back to school this year has extra meaning because it’s not just them going back, it’s me too. The hard slog of the last year is over. I now get to start the even harder slog of being an NQT. Am I prepared? Erm… no. Emotionally, lessonly… none of it! I feel like I’m just about to walk off a cliff and don’t really have any idea if I’m going to plunge into nice deep sea or break my legs on the shore! I’m sure I’ll be fine once I start properly, but finding my feet is going to be hard work.
Are you ready for back to school? Are your children? Looking forward to it, or loathing it?
I had a bit of a wakeup call yesterday. I know the country’s in a deep economic crisis, and I know everyone everywhere is struggling to make ends meet. To a certain extent, because we’ve been struggling by financially for a long time, it’s nothing new for us personally. What I saw yesterday though really shocked me, four local shops that I’d visited and admired gone. From last time I went into town (about a month ago) to this time, we’d lost four really great shops. Shops that made you feed special shopping there. A local cafe that served great coffee and sandwiches, a couple of clothes shops that had lovely, individual items I often admired and occasionally purchased, and my favourite, a fantastic little shop selling homemade chocolates, cupcakes and desserts – each divine and completely delicious! The staff in there were always really helpful and pleasant and it was such a treat to be able to choose an individual treat for us all. I was so sad to find that it was gone.
So here’s what we can do. Shop local. Give them our business as much as possible. Lobby councils to support small business and local retail units. Nobody wants to see our high street abandoned and empty, but that’s what is going to happen if we don’t all take action. It’s up to us to prop the economy up! And I know it’s hard. We’re all on tight budgets but making some wriggle room, building in the occasional treat is as important for us keeping on track budget-wise, as it is keeping our local shops in business.
Have you noticed your local shops suffering? Or are you a business owner suffering in the downturn? Do you make an effort to buy local?
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